I do not know what to say

Loss and setbacks have struck several members of our congregation recently. I could not help but think of Romans 12:15, which instructs us to “weep with those that weep.”  When we hear sad news, we often feel strained because we do not know what to say. Does the word of God provide any help in this area? Yes. The account of Job and his three friends contains many lessons that will help us know what to do and what not to do when around those dealing with loss.

Allow people to grieve

When Job lost his children and then his health, the scriptures show that his friends recognized Job’s heavy grief (Job 2:13). Those who are grieving need to be allowed to do so without people pumping them full of questions. We may genuinely want to understand what is wrong and help, but there will be plenty of time for that later. As caring people, we need to remember that although we share their sorrow, it still is THEIR sorrow!

Let your silence offer comfort

In the same verse we mentioned in our last point, it also states, “…and no one spoke a word to him.”  Silence can sometimes be enough because our presence speaks volumes. If there is ever a time one to apply James 1:19 in being slow to speak, it is when you are visiting someone who has suffered a great loss. Be available for them but do not overwhelm them.

Let your emotions show

Notice what Job’s friends did when they first saw him: “And when they raised their eyes from afar, and did not recognize him, they lifted their voices and wept,” (Job 2:12). While we should not overwhelm a person with questions, we do not need to remain completely silent either. If you feel genuine pain for another’s loss, you should show that. I am not suggesting that we are uncaring if we do not have streams of tears, but we can certainly show our concern. Genuine sympathy is appreciated.

Remember that the goal is to comfort

There was a purpose to Job’s friends getting together and coming to see Job: “For they had made an appointment together to come and mourn with him, and to comfort him,” (Job. 2:11).  Some people might feel it is best to ignore or avoid those who are hurting to respect their privacy. As Christians, the sorrows of our brethren are our business though.  We want to help them get through their trying times. The last thing we need to do is act childish and become bitter if feel that our kindness is not appreciated enough. If we do this, we have forgotten our primary goal of offering comfort.

Saying the wrong thing can be devastating

All three of Job’s friends eventually started to talk to Job, but what they had to say was wrong. They accused Job of bringing his calamities this on himself (Job. 4:7; 8:6-7; 11:13-15). At the end of the book, our God put those three men in their places: “My wrath is aroused against you…for you have not spoken of Me what is right, as My servant Job has,” (Job. 42:7). What a waste it is to think that you are offering comfort when instead you are truly causing harm! A friend of mine who preaches said he heard someone conduct a funeral and tell the grieving family that he knew exactly how they felt because he had a dog that died. Folks, we need to think carefully about what we say to those who are full of sorrow. Saying nothing is far better than saying the wrong thing.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       Chuck