“When Should We Forgive?”

Sunday, September 24, 2023

“For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”

(Matthew 6.14-15)

We like to keep things simple, but we are endlessly bombarded with an immense amount of sensory information.  This includes current states of being like pain or pleasure; as well as memories of previous experience, like the appearance of your seventh-grade English teacher, which some words on a screen were able to call to your mind; and also our imagination, which makes use of the same faculties to consider unrealized ideas.

Let’s focus on our sense of sight.  Roughly half of your brain is used in processing visual information.  In fact, when your eyes are open, almost two-thirds of the neural activity in your brain is devoted to vision.  We see a constant barrage of information, and most of it is utterly irrelevant.  Test it out.  Without the aid of a mirror, you can still see the tip of your nose, can’t you?  Now consider your horizontal field of view—without moving your head or eyes, you can see roughly 210º, out of a 360º circle.  Your visual acuity drops the farther you get from the center of the field, but you’re still collecting a mind-bogglingly huge amount of information, and your brain updates it constantly—a gross oversimplification would be to say that your brain processes, at the very least, about 30 “frames” each second, and perhaps many more.  This is a staggering amount of information.  We have to sort the things that matter from the things that can be ignored, just as you ignore that you can see your nose.

When we introduce other people into the mix, life gets even more complicated, because they’re all acting in ways that we have to sort out and categorize in our minds.  When they hurt us, or behave in ways of which we disapprove, the simplest thing for us to do, is to move that person from one mental category to another—from “benign” to “dangerous”—and then treat that person accordingly.  This is incredibly useful to us.  We don’t have the time or resources to give each person a fair assessment at every moment, and then decide again whether to tolerate interaction with that person, during which we might end up on the receiving end of his bad behavior.  If your brother steals from you, why should you allow him to do so again?  Sure, you could reason that perhaps there are extenuating circumstances, or contrition, and that your relationship with your brother is valuable enough to accept the risk of a repeat offense, signing up to have to scrutinize his demeanor and actions more closely, for the remainder of your lives.  But it’s easier to move your brother from the mental category of “trustworthy and helpful,” to that of “too dangerous,” sever the relationship, and move on with your life.

There is great utility in writing sinners off.  It keeps life relatively simple, and frees you up to devote your attention to other matters, like where your next meal is coming from, or how to achieve a long-term goal, or whether a different, as yet uncategorized person presents a mortal threat to you, or is just a helpful grocery story bagger.  But God isn’t primarily concerned with what’s useful in our fleshly pursuits, is he?  Each human being is made in God’s image, and each immortal soul carries incalculable value.  Paul tells us,

we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil.

(2 Corinthians 5.10)

As we dole out little judgments in this life, categorizing the people around us as “good” or “bad,” the prospect of our own day in God’s court may not frighten us, until we realize that we, too, have done evil deeds, as it is written, “Surely there is not a righteous man on earth who does good and never sins” (Ec 7.20).  What’s to stop God from treating us in exactly the same fashion as we have treated others, putting us with the goats, rather than the sheep (Mt 25.32), and sending us into the outer darkness forever? 

Praise the Lord!  He sent his Son as a sacrifice, to bear the penalty for our sins, and give his own sinless life in exchange for ours!  Despite the evil we’ve done, God is willing to forgive us!  What will we do with that forgiveness? 

“So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay what you owe.’ So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt.”

(Matthew 18.26-30)

It’s easy to find yourself behaving like the man in this parable, holding sin over the head of someone who demonstrates the same repentance and contrition as you have shown before God.  What became of the unforgiving servant in Jesus’ parable?

“And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”

(Matthew 18.34-35)

We must forgive, or we forfeit our own forgiveness.  But when?  What is a sufficient display of penitence?  That part is simple:

“If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”

(Luke 17.3-4)

Jeremy Nettles

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